I recently had the pleasure of enjoying a challenging retreat with a wonderful group of fellow sojourners. It was a pleasure in that anytime that I am not cooking every meal or cleaning up after wards, am released from the daily tasks of running the household and disciplining children, is a pleasure. It was also a pleasure in that I had ample time to talk, take walks, pray with other women, talk some more, hear some terrific teaching, talk, process what I was hearing and then, of course, talk some more. It was a challenge in that anytime spent in the fellowship of committed believers who want to get closer to Jesus is challenging and encouraging.
The retreat was held in a beautiful, stone mansion somewhere in Pennsylvania (my unspoken rule is don't drive, don't pay attention). There was the quiet, steady, reassuring flow of fountains and pools, water trickling out of mighty lions' mouths. All around was the sweet sound of chickadees, cardinals and a few misplaced wild turkey gobbles. The trees were not budding yet, even though it was 85 degrees. Terraces, iron gates, azaleas, well places garden love seats were everywhere and anywhere, delightful surprises as I turned corners. Hopefully, albeit inartfully, I am starting to convey to you the picture of a lovely architectural context which invited me to solace, contemplation, comfort and joy.
Across the street from the manor was a carriage house, behind which was nestled a labyrinth. A labyrinth, for those of you who may not be familiar with it, is simply, a type of maze. The online dictionary defines it as "1 a: a place constructed of or full of intricate passageways and blind alleys b: a maze (as in a garden) formed by paths separated by high hedges 2: something extremely complex or tortuous in structure, arrangement, or character." However, a true labyrinth is actually much simpler than a maze. Wikepedia.com defines one as "a single-path (unicursal) labyrinth has only a single Eulerian path to the center. A labyrinth has an unambiguous through-route to the center and back and is not designed to be difficult to navigate." I put a picture of one up in the corner. (my husband actually navigated that step for me) This is the type of labyrinth I walked in Pennsylvania. It was made from a soft black surface with the 24 inch wide path bounded by bricks. there was only one path to walk to get to the center. It was not difficult, nor was it tedious.
I should add that other women on the retreat had walked the labyrinth and described it as an incredibly profound experience. I, of course, wanted no less. So, since I had a lot on my mind and was ready to hear some answers to prayers and desiring some settling in various areas of pain and confusion, I started and silently asked for revelation. None came. I navigated the labyrinth. I tried really hard to be silent but found the divine silence as I walked uncomfortable and unsettling. I continued to walk. I started to sing quietly, How Great Thou Art, How Great is Our God, Jesus, I am So In Love with You, Your Name...anything I could remember the words to without strain. I did not want to break the increasing reverie of the morning. Still, I walked, yet without revelation or quietly spoken words of assurance. I so longed to hear some words of divine reassurance, some token that I was on the right path, some sign that the emotional turmoil was somehow sanctioned by the Lord. Nothing. More singing. More walking along the path...yet all along, it was true, it was not difficult to navigate. I was slowly moving closer to the center and all along kept thinking "surely this is where God will break in." But He didn't. And then I reached the center. And I almost wanted to weep because the incredibly profound experience was missing; there was no revelation. I wasn't mad, but I was frustrated.
I stood there in the center, lifted my hands to heaven and sang the only other song I could think of, (even though I couldn't remember all the words...I remembered the pertinent ones) an old Twila Paris song, Center of Your Will. "Living in this temple, dealing with this clay, I've been known to compromise, You have seen me turn away. I've been on the edge before, and I have felt the chill, but I could never live outside the center of your will. Keep me in the center of your will. Keep me in the center of your will. ... though I sometimes fear this place, and find it hard to fill, but I could never live outside the center of your will."
That is when I finally got the message of the labyrinth (for me anyway): faithfully traveling the labyrinth to the center was the revelation. I was on the path all along getting closer to the center. The dumbest thing I could have done is given up thinking, "well God is never going to speak to me anyway." The second dumbest thing I could have done was to race to the center: that would have really been a mess because the path just wasn't designed to accommodate a sprinter. Yet, how often do I do that on THE path? I rush, I quit, I give up, I can't wait. I was so worried that the pain and frustration of our situations were an indication that I could not possibly be on the path. Could the circuitous route possibly be the path of the Lord? I don't enjoy the labyrinth, which is not difficult, but it does take time to get to the center...the point is, all along, you're on the right path, you're on the journey to the center. Then I actually felt the pleasure of the Lord. I felt His smile.
Yes, there is a bit of a puzzle if one looks at it from the sky, but the center is clear, if one looks at it from above. While I can't see from above, what I can do is follow the path, and as I walk step by step, it isn't convoluted or confusing. It just involves walking along the only way I can at the time, with wisdom and Biblical guidance, headed toward the center, wanting to walk in a way that pleases the Lord. The lure of the labyrinth is its profound simplicity as well as its simple profundity...one way to the center, walking step by step, keeping on the path will take me to the center. "Oh God, you are my God, and I will ever praise you. I will seek you in the morning and I will learn to walk in your ways, and step by step you lead me, and I will follow you all of my days." Amen.
p.s...thanks ladies, it was a great time.
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