Profound Simplicity

I recently had the pleasure of enjoying a challenging retreat with a wonderful group of fellow sojourners. It was a pleasure in that anytime that I am not cooking every meal or cleaning up after wards, am released from the daily tasks of running the household and disciplining children, is a pleasure. It was also a pleasure in that I had ample time to talk, take walks, pray with other women, talk some more, hear some terrific teaching, talk, process what I was hearing and then, of course, talk some more. It was a challenge in that anytime spent in the fellowship of committed believers who want to get closer to Jesus is challenging and encouraging.

The retreat was held in a beautiful, stone mansion somewhere in Pennsylvania (my unspoken rule is don't drive, don't pay attention). There was the quiet, steady, reassuring flow of fountains and pools, water trickling out of mighty lions' mouths. All around was the sweet sound of chickadees, cardinals and a few misplaced wild turkey gobbles. The trees were not budding yet, even though it was 85 degrees. Terraces, iron gates, azaleas, well places garden love seats were everywhere and anywhere, delightful surprises as I turned corners. Hopefully, albeit inartfully, I am starting to convey to you the picture of a lovely architectural context which invited me to solace, contemplation, comfort and joy.

Across the street from the manor was a carriage house, behind which was nestled a labyrinth. A labyrinth, for those of you who may not be familiar with it, is simply, a type of maze. The online dictionary defines it as "1 a: a place constructed of or full of intricate passageways and blind alleys b: a maze (as in a garden) formed by paths separated by high hedges 2: something extremely complex or tortuous in structure, arrangement, or character." However, a true labyrinth is actually much simpler than a maze. Wikepedia.com defines one as "a single-path (unicursal) labyrinth has only a single Eulerian path to the center. A labyrinth has an unambiguous through-route to the center and back and is not designed to be difficult to navigate." I put a picture of one up in the corner. (my husband actually navigated that step for me) This is the type of labyrinth I walked in Pennsylvania. It was made from a soft black surface with the 24 inch wide path bounded by bricks. there was only one path to walk to get to the center. It was not difficult, nor was it tedious.

I should add that other women on the retreat had walked the labyrinth and described it as an incredibly profound experience. I, of course, wanted no less. So, since I had a lot on my mind and was ready to hear some answers to prayers and desiring some settling in various areas of pain and confusion, I started and silently asked for revelation. None came. I navigated the labyrinth. I tried really hard to be silent but found the divine silence as I walked uncomfortable and unsettling. I continued to walk. I started to sing quietly, How Great Thou Art, How Great is Our God, Jesus, I am So In Love with You, Your Name...anything I could remember the words to without strain. I did not want to break the increasing reverie of the morning. Still, I walked, yet without revelation or quietly spoken words of assurance. I so longed to hear some words of divine reassurance, some token that I was on the right path, some sign that the emotional turmoil was somehow sanctioned by the Lord. Nothing. More singing. More walking along the path...yet all along, it was true, it was not difficult to navigate. I was slowly moving closer to the center and all along kept thinking "surely this is where God will break in." But He didn't. And then I reached the center. And I almost wanted to weep because the incredibly profound experience was missing; there was no revelation. I wasn't mad, but I was frustrated.

I stood there in the center, lifted my hands to heaven and sang the only other song I could think of, (even though I couldn't remember all the words...I remembered the pertinent ones) an old Twila Paris song, Center of Your Will. "Living in this temple, dealing with this clay, I've been known to compromise, You have seen me turn away. I've been on the edge before, and I have felt the chill, but I could never live outside the center of your will. Keep me in the center of your will. Keep me in the center of your will. ... though I sometimes fear this place, and find it hard to fill, but I could never live outside the center of your will."

That is when I finally got the message of the labyrinth (for me anyway): faithfully traveling the labyrinth to the center was the revelation. I was on the path all along getting closer to the center. The dumbest thing I could have done is given up thinking, "well God is never going to speak to me anyway." The second dumbest thing I could have done was to race to the center: that would have really been a mess because the path just wasn't designed to accommodate a sprinter. Yet, how often do I do that on THE path? I rush, I quit, I give up, I can't wait. I was so worried that the pain and frustration of our situations were an indication that I could not possibly be on the path. Could the circuitous route possibly be the path of the Lord? I don't enjoy the labyrinth, which is not difficult, but it does take time to get to the center...the point is, all along, you're on the right path, you're on the journey to the center. Then I actually felt the pleasure of the Lord. I felt His smile.

Yes, there is a bit of a puzzle if one looks at it from the sky, but the center is clear, if one looks at it from above. While I can't see from above, what I can do is follow the path, and as I walk step by step, it isn't convoluted or confusing. It just involves walking along the only way I can at the time, with wisdom and Biblical guidance, headed toward the center, wanting to walk in a way that pleases the Lord. The lure of the labyrinth is its profound simplicity as well as its simple profundity...one way to the center, walking step by step, keeping on the path will take me to the center. "Oh God, you are my God, and I will ever praise you. I will seek you in the morning and I will learn to walk in your ways, and step by step you lead me, and I will follow you all of my days." Amen.

p.s...thanks ladies, it was a great time.

.

Crossing Over

Every year for the last 23 years I have read through the One Year Bible. Thus, by this time of the year I am usually in Deuteronomy rereading about the Exodus, the wandering in the wilderness and then come to what should be the climax of the Israelites’ story. We stand at the point where Joshua is about to usher the Israelites across the Jordan River into the Promised Land. At this point, we hear an incredible crescendo of music in the imaginary movie, the camera pans backward to take in the mass of humanity about to cross the Jordan. Imagine the scene as the twelve tribes of Israel swarm to the banks, readying themselves, their children, their flocks to cross the Jordan. But wait! There are not twelve tribes, there are only ten. Where are the Reubenites and Gadites? Cut the scene, someone go find the Reubenites and Gadites.

This year, as I reread this part of the history of God, the Lord has been stirring my mind with the phrase “crossing over.” I read how desperately Moses wanted to cross over the Jordan (DT 32:51 & 52). In fact, God finally tells him “enough.” I could imagine how eager Joshua might have been to take the people of God across the Jordan…after all, he was one of the two spies forty years earlier that had delivered the good report and encouraged the Israelites to go in and take the land God had promised them. He and Caleb alone were left of that entire generation. All the other people that Joshua was now about to lead across the Jordan were younger than he, the children of his peers, for none other of that generation survived the desert wanderings because of their unbelief. After almost forty years of wandering, hearing about the promised land of their forefathers Abraham, Jacob and Isaac, this generation was probably chomping at the bit to get into the promised land, the land flowing with milk and honey. They had heard about it all their lives. They were ready. At least one would think so.

In Numbers 32 we read an interesting little piece of history. There were two tribes who did not want to cross the Jordan: the Reubenites and the Gadites. Instead they went to Moses. 1 The Reubenites and Gadites, who had very large herds and flocks, saw that the lands of Jazer and Gilead were suitable for livestock. 2 So they came to Moses and Eleazar the priest and to the leaders of the community, and said, 3 "Ataroth, Dibon, Jazer, Nimrah, Heshbon, Elealeh, Sebam, Nebo and Beon- 4 the land the LORD subdued before the people of Israel—are suitable for livestock, and your servants have livestock. 5 If we have found favor in your eyes," they said, "let this land be given to your servants as our possession. Do not make us cross the Jordan."

After hearing about the Promised Land for forty years, after following Moses all through the desert and hearing about it, these two tribes begged Moses “do not make us cross the Jordan.” They could actually see the other side of the Jordan. They were within eye sight of the promised land; and yet they begged to be released. What is up with that?

What would make God’s people be willing to give up the promised land? Well, as I read this passage, I can think of two things. First, consider that the land called the Transjordan was “suitable for livestock.” The Reubenites and the Gadites were shepherds as were most of the Israelites. Remember that is what they told Pharaoh in the days of Joseph. “When Pharaoh calls you in and asks, “What is your occupation? You should answer, “We have tended livestock from our boyhood on, just as our fathers did.’ Then you will be allowed to settle in the region of Goshen for all shepherds are detestable to Egyptians.” (Gen 46:33, 34) All of the Israelites were shepherds. So, the occupation of the Reubenites and the Gadites probably wasn’t any different than that of the other tribes. In other words, it isn’t as if the Reubenites were shepherds and the other tribes were farmers, so their needs were different. Did they think God was going to give them land which wouldn’t be suitable?

Second, perhaps the Reubenites and Gadites were just weary. They had spent forty years in the desert. Forty years wandering around in the desert, and not just once; sometimes they went around the same mountain several times. Do you think the Reubenites and Gadites were perhaps just weary from the journey and were willing to settle for what was suitable? I don’t know about you, but if I were looking for a house to buy, “suitable” would not be the word that would describe my dream house. Suitable is…well, suitable. It will do. But it doesn’t come close to my dream, my promise. Suitable sounds so bland, so adequate, but it doesn’t sound like the promised land.

Maybe the Reubenites and the Gadites were willing to settle for what was suitable, maybe they were tired. In either case, the Reubenites and Gadites begged Moses: please don’t make us cross the Jordan. That’s like someone offering you a fine wine to drink and you would rather drink dishwater; or someone offers you your favorite meal after forty years of not having it, and you’d rather have saltines. Beloved, the Lord offered them the promised land. He wasn’t going to make them cross the Jordan.

6 Moses said to the Gadites and Reubenites, "Shall your countrymen go to war while you sit here? 7 Why do you discourage the Israelites from going over into the land the LORD has given them? 8 This is what your fathers did when I sent them from Kadesh Barnea to look over the land. 9 After they went up to the Valley of Eshcol and viewed the land, they discouraged the Israelites from entering the land the LORD had given them. 10 The LORD's anger was aroused that day and he swore this oath: 11 'Because they have not followed me wholeheartedly, not one of the men twenty years old or more who came up out of Egypt will see the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob- 12 not one except Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite and Joshua son of Nun, for they followed the LORD wholeheartedly.' 13 The LORD's anger burned against Israel and he made them wander in the desert forty years, until the whole generation of those who had done evil in his sight was gone.

14 "And here you are, a brood of sinners, standing in the place of your fathers and making the LORD even more angry with Israel. 15 If you turn away from following him, he will again leave all this people in the desert, and you will be the cause of their destruction."
16 Then they came up to him and said, "We would like to build pens here for our livestock and cities for our women and children. 17 But we are ready to arm ourselves and go ahead of the Israelites until we have brought them to their place. Meanwhile our women and children will live in fortified cities, for protection from the inhabitants of the land. 18 We will not return to our homes until every Israelite has received his inheritance. 19 We will not receive any inheritance with them on the other side of the Jordan, because our inheritance has come to us on the east side of the Jordan."

20 Then Moses said to them, "If you will do this—if you will arm yourselves before the LORD for battle, 21 and if all of you will go armed over the Jordan before the LORD until he has driven his enemies out before him- 22 then when the land is subdued before the LORD, you may return and be free from your obligation to the LORD and to Israel. And this land will be your possession before the LORD.

23 "But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the LORD; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out. 24 Build cities for your women and children, and pens for your flocks, but do what you have promised." 25 The Gadites and Reubenites said to Moses, "We your servants will do as our lord commands. 26 Our children and wives, our flocks and herds will remain here in the cities of Gilead. 27 But your servants, every man armed for battle, will cross over to fight before the LORD, just as our lord says." …

31 The Gadites and Reubenites answered, "Your servants will do what the LORD has said. 32 We will cross over before the LORD into Canaan armed, but the property we inherit will be on this side of the Jordan."

Beloved, consider this, not only were the two tribes willing to settle in the Transjordan, and not take their God given inheritance; they were prepared to help the other tribes conquer and possess their inheritance on the other side of the Jordan.

What, you ask, does this have to do with you? Do we believe that we each have a promised land, an inheritance on the other side of some river? Do we believe that God has destined each one of us for a particular destination: if we believe the devil the place has giants that are way bigger than we are, way meaner and their very looking at us will cause us to wither and if we believe the Lord, that destination is incredible and it’s beautiful and is flowing with milk and honey. Every step we take to the Jordan is ours once we step on it. “I will give you every step where you set your foot, as I promised Moses.” Josh 1:3 But the Promised Land is on the other side of the Jordan. Conquered land is not necessarily promised land. Conquered land leads us, step by step, to the Promised Land. The promised land is the destiny. It was the destiny of the people of God. This was what they had waited for.

And, instead, of crossing over the Jordan and taking what God had promised them, the Reubenites and the Gadites chose what was suitable. Don’t settle for less than what God wants to give you. Don’t settle for what is suitable, especially not when the promised land is so close, across the river, within spitting distance (as they say). Beloved, consider, are you weary and settling for what is suitable? Are you just too tired to walk another five steps? This is a critical time for the people of God, as a people and as individuals. We cannot settle for the Transjordan; even though it looks nice and is suitable. We must press on. We must strive in the Spirit to cross the Jordan. We must be strong and courageous and cross over.

I don’t know what your Jordan River looks like. But I know this: as a child of God, you have a destiny and you have an inheritance on the other side of the Jordan. The inheritance has already been surveyed by God, with exact metes and bounds, and it has your name on it. Do not give up. I wanted to quote Winston Churchill’s famous 1941 speech of “never give up, never give up, never give up.” Imagine my chagrin to discover that Churchill never said that. What he actually said was far better and far more apropos: "Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.'' So, in such manner shall the people of God cross the Jordan, forsaking what is suitable, overcoming great weariness, and so, shall the people of God take their inheritance, the Promised Land.

Closing the Gap

This is my follow up to Following at a Distance. It is the good news which follows the bad news of our betrayals, our denials and our shame. It is the good news in light of the reality that even as zealous, ardent and passionate believers, we can, and often do follow Jesus at a distance. Then when we are on the way at our safe, yet uncomfortable distance, we feel that piercing gaze, we remember our bravado, our resolve and our boldness… and we weep bitterly. Today, I want to share with you about how Jesus closed the gap of Peter’s distance.
Who knows where Peter, having been cowed by a servant girl and after bringing down oaths and curses on two men who dared to remember that Peter had been with Jesus (although that fact a week earlier as Jesus rode the colt into Jerusalem would have been a badge of honor), went. Maybe he fled to his boat. In fact, I rather think he went someplace far away from the other disciples. His shame and guilt might have forced him to seek isolation (it has a way of doing that). And if he went to some place where the disciples and he might have been with Jesus, perhaps they all exchanged “how awful I am” stories. (Isn’t that what we do?) Beloved, the fact is, when we have disappointed ourselves and our Lord, we so often want to hide from others and from the Lord. We get consumed by the “how can He ever forgive me” thought. So the default thought is, how can I undo this.
The beauty of Resurrection Sunday is we can do nothing. But oh, can God ever do the impossible. Let’s look at how Jesus restored the relationship with Peter. Peter’s denial and betrayal started with following at a distance. That denial created a breach, a break, a chasm, a gap in the relationship. Jesus restored it; I call that restoration, closing the gap. It really happens in three separate steps. First, we see that God raised Jesus from the dead. Second, Jesus calls for Peter specifically. Third, Jesus has a heart to heart conversation with Peter which restores him and renews him. And it really is all about Jesus and at the same time it’s also all about Peter, just because He loves Peter.
No one can really describe how God raised Jesus from the dead. No one knows what that looked like. All we know is that everything was very neat. It’s not as if Jesus exploded out of the tomb, although He could have. I don’t really picture Him as the Incredible Hulk bursting out of His grave clothes and shattering the tomb’s opening. God doesn’t leave messes. The grave clothes were lying there in the tomb, and the burial cloth that had been around Jesus’ head was neatly folded. (John 20) The stone which had covered the tomb was rolled away (Luke 24). The fact is, somehow between Friday and Sunday morning, Jesus was raised from the dead. That event was critical and crucial to Peter’s restoration yet Peter had nothing to do with it and no one ever saw it happen. Peter, like most of us, when he saw the strips of linen, just “went away, wondering to himself what happened.” (Luke 24:12)
The second part of the restoration happened when the angel told Mary, the mother of Jesus, Mary Magdalene and Salome, “But go, tell his disciples and Peter, “He is going ahead of you into Galilee.” (Mark 16:7) He could have said “go tell those disciples of Jesus…” He could have said tell all the other disciples except for Peter who denied Him three times, I’m going to really make him pay for that one.” He could have said “tell anyone who really cares about me and really is serious about following Jesus.” But the angel didn’t. The angels get their marching orders from God; they say what they’re supposed to say. And this angel was very specific: tell the disciples and Peter. That’s beautiful. That’s merciful. And that’s incredible. Jesus just wanted Mary to make sure that Peter knew He really was alive just as He had said. When I ask one of my kids to call everyone for dinner and make sure you get so and so up, because they are sleeping, the one who has received the instruction will scream from the bottom of the steps for everyone else, and then go straight into the sleeping child’s room and yell into his or her ear: DINNER, NOW! If I want to make sure one person in particular gets the message, I single them out using their name. It always works. Jesus singled Peter out. Peter was going to get the message: He has risen. He is not here. He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see Him, just as He told you.”
Now here is the critical third part of closing the gap, friends. We don’t read anything else about Peter for a while. There are more times that Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus, to all the disciples, a special appearance for Thomas. Though we have every reason to believe that Peter was present when Jesus appeared to the other disciples, we do not have restoration between Jesus and Peter yet. It takes more than Jesus being raised from the dead, and it takes more than Jesus calling Peter. In point of fact, it is a week, other appearance and a special conversation before restoration occurs.
It happened on the beach and is recorded in John 21. It’s really quite amazing because Peter knows Jesus is alive, risen from the dead, just as He said. But he clearly has no idea what he is supposed to do with that piece of remarkable information. So, being Peter, he declares: “I’m going out to fish.” I sort of imagine Peter thinking to himself: I may not know what to do with Jesus, but I do know how to fish! Of course, he catches nothing. Jesus, standing on the shore watching all this unfold, suggests a better fishing hole and immediately John recognizes Jesus. Peter jumps overboard into the water (no walking on water for him this time) to Jesus. “They knew it was the Lord.” (v. 12) And here Jesus initiates the most critical conversation Peter would ever have: “Simon, son of John, do you truly love me more than these?” It is the kind of question that would take Peter’s breath away because it might have reminded him of his declaration that “even if all fall away on account of you, I never will. … Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” (MT 26: 33, 34) And Peter would instantly know that in Jesus’ three questions, He was recounting three denials. Beloved, this was not a case of Jesus rubbing salt in Peter’s wounds. It was Jesus dealing with Peter’s guilt and shame and taking it away, every painful and bitter piece of it. That is how the gap has to be closed; that is how we are restored: by letting Jesus initiate and letting Him lay before us our guilt and shame and allowing Him to take it away.
There was nothing Peter could do to close the gap. There was nothing he had in his human, fleshly arsenal that would ever make up for following at a distance and for denying and betraying three times. It takes a God who raises Jesus from the dead. It takes a God who calls us by name and says: I just want you to know: I’m alive and I did just what I said I would do. It takes a God who sits on the shore with us and commissions us to love and feed His lambs.
Friday I wrote about how we choose to follow at a distance because it is simply too painful to stay close to Jesus; we are afraid. I didn’t even realize at the time I wrote that I was really writing about me. It took Good Friday for me to realize that I was following at a distance. I have more in common with my friend Peter than I like to admit. However, Saturday morning I let Him take away my guilt and my shame and we had a little heart to heart. You see, He still closes the gap for each one of us. Whether it is Peter, or you or me, we have all chosen at times to follow at a distance and in His grace and mercy He comes forward in gentle power, calls us by name and restores us.
It’s Sunday…Resurrection Sunday. Hallelujah, He is risen indeed.

Following at a Distance

It is Holy Week. I usually break from reading my Bible in a Year at this time and reflect on the Passion of Jesus. Every year, it seems, God opens my eyes and heart to something different, something new. It blesses me and delights me when God does that; it is a reminder of how deep, wide, high, long and broad the richness and beauty of His word is. So it came as a bit of a surprise to me when the phrase "at a distance" caught my attention the first three days of this week. I just thought it was a little odd. But, it appears twice in the Gospel of Luke and when God says something twice, I usually listen extra well.

Luke 22:54-62 is the account of Peter who followed "at a distance" as the chief priests, the officers of the temple guard and the elders seized Jesus and led Him away to the house of the High Priest. There, as Jesus was interrogated and abused by the Chief Priest, Peter sat by the fire in the courtyard. A servant girl looked at him and said "This man was with Him." Maybe she had seen Peter and Jesus at the market, or at the temple when Jesus turned the tables over, or maybe she had seen Peter with Jesus as Jesus rode the colt into Jerusalem. We don't know where or when, but she had seen Peter together with Jesus and associated them together. They belonged together and why, she may have thought, wasn't he with Jesus now?

Shortly thereafter, while still warming himself at the fire, another person identified Peter as having been with Jesus. His answer: "Man, I am not!" And again, at verse 59, we read that an hour later, someone said "this fellow was with Him, for He is a Galilean." Peter, according to Matthew 26, answered with oaths and cursing "Man, I don't know what you are talking about." What follows then is perhaps one of the saddest and most poignant verses in the Word: "Just as Peter was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him:"Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times." And he went outside and wept bitterly." (Lk 22:60-62)

Denied Him three times. Peter. Peter who was the first to confess Jesus as the Christ. Peter who was one of the three disciples taken up to see the Lord Jesus transfigured. Peter who was brazen enough to ask to walk on water. Peter who couldn't decide whether he should let Jesus wash all of him or none of him. Peter who had been asked to prepare the Passover meal. Peter who had been asked by Jesus to come and watch with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane. Peter who boldly drew his sword and cut off Malchus' ear. Peter who had so confidently declared "even if I have to die with you, I will never leave you." Peter, who had seen Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead, who had seen Him heal Jairus' daughter, whose own mother-in-law had been healed by Jesus. He saw Him teach the masses, feed the five thousand, heal blind Bartimaeus. Peter had seen miracles, had revelations and victories with Jesus. But now, now when it counted, he followed at a distance.

And why? Why would Peter follow at a distance? It could not have been disinterest; otherwise he would not have followed at all. It was not hatred of Jesus because remembering Jesus’ words and seeing the piercing look of Jesus made Peter weep bitterly. I submit to you that it was fear…fear made Peter follow at a distance.

Think about it…things were spinning out of control. From the time that Peter lopped Malchus’ ear off to the courtyard…it was all so not what Peter wanted or planned. And being out of control usually makes us very, very afraid. And when we are afraid, it is usually just easier to follow at a distance.

How often do we do the very same thing? Yes, Jesus, I can read my Bible, go to my small group, show up at church, but I can’t be too close to you right now. It might cost me, it might hurt. Yes, I’ve seen great things, I’ve beheld answered prayers. But I just cannot be too close to you. Right now, things are just too painful. Things are too confusing. Things are too difficult. Life is just taking too many unexpected turns. Of course I’ll follow you, but forgive me if it’s at a distance.

Beloved, this is an odd verse; it isn’t exactly a verse most preachers or teachers will “camp on” at Easter. And I really am not sure why God chose this verse for me to write about. Except that the second time that at a distance is used is in Luke 23:47-49. “

47The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, "Surely this was a righteous man." 48When all the people who had gathered to witness this sight saw what took place, they beat their breasts and went away. 49But all those who knew him, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things.

The centurion saw what happened, had a revelation and praised God. Even the people who had demanded “crucify Him” saw what happened and beat their breasts. But the women who had walked with Him, who had followed Him, stood at a distance and watched. The ones closest to Him stood at a distance.
Nothing was turning out the way anyone thought it would. Everything was going wrong. And so, it is easier to stand at a distance and watch, rather than get too close to Jesus.

I am sure there are some who may be reading this whose lives are spinning out of control, or who feel like everything is going wrong, nothing is going according to plan. And it is easier to stay at a distance. Retreat is a safe option, but retreating from Jesus is never a safe option. Beloved, this is the time to stay close. Draw near, even in the midst of anguish and pain, draw near.

You see, although it may be Friday…Sunday is coming.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

My husband and I have four children, two of them eleven year old twin boys, all four of them avid athletes. The rules of eating in our household are as follows: eat a lot, eat without ceasing, eat variety, and when finished, eat some more. And, we are a pastor’s family…so we often have people over unexpectedly, sometimes one, sometimes, two or three, sometimes a family. It’s fun. It’s adventurous. Sometimes, it’s taco soup for sixteen and sometimes it’s Indonesian stir fry for twelve. But I have never fed five thousand people. Never. And I have never fed five thousand with three loaves and two fish. And, I do not know what I would do if my husband told me he had just invited five thousand people and their families home from work. “Honey, I’m home. And, I invited everyone in the church and the next five churches over and their families for Sunday lunch. Hope that’s okay. Sorry, I didn’t have time to call.” Ah yes, new uses for frying pans…
But I digress.
John 6 is a beautiful story about a huge surprise dinner to which Jesus invited five thousand people and his disciples. Let’s get to the text:
1Some time after this, Jesus crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee (that is, the Sea of Tiberias), 2and a great crowd of people followed him because they saw the miraculous signs he had performed on the sick. 3Then Jesus went up on a mountainside and sat down with his disciples. 4The Jewish Passover Feast was near. 5When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" 6He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. 7Philip answered him, "Eight months' wages[a] would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!"
8Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, spoke up, 9"Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"
10Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. 11Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distr ibuted to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.”
This is a very familiar story. We have read it and perhaps even taught it many, many times. But, one day I was reading it and I saw something for the very first time. (I love when God does that!) Before I get to that little gem, let’s go back and remember how the story plays out.
People had been crowding around Jesus all day. They followed him to listen, to learn, to "get a miracle." It’s the kind of thing that wears me out (not that I have thousands following me, but I do have four children and that’s hard enough some days.). I suspect, however, that Jesus did not mind. But, after the whole day, people were still following Him. Now Jesus, instead of sending them away, turns to Philip and asks “where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?”
From the disciples, we find two reactions to Jesus’ question.
Philip, being an honest and tactless sort of guy, said in the presence of the guests (no doubt), “Eight months' wages[a] would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!" Hear the hopelessness and maybe even sarcasm in his comment?
Andrew, on the other hand, answers in his own innocent and sheepish kind of voice “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?" I imagine him saying it somewhat hopefully and helpfully and then swallowing his words realizing the silliness of his statement and offering. But at least he offered it. Notice Jesus was not testing Andrew’s heart, but he was testing Philip’s heart.
The little phrase that caused me to rejoice and weep with relief was “he already had in mind what he was going to do.” Isn’t that incredible? Jesus already knew what He was going to do. He asked Philip not because He didn’t have a solution to the problem. He asked not because he thought the disciples had a better idea. He asked to test Philip’s heart. Philip’s heart responded with the flesh: “what can I do” “what can I produce?” “how can I figure this problem out?”
Beloved, the test was not to see if Philip could figure it out. Of course he couldn’t. Jesus knew that Philip could not figure out a way to successfully and satisfyingly feed 5000 surprise dinner guests. The test was to see if Philip knew the ways of Jesus yet. The text is clear: Jesus already had in mind what He was going to do. He just wanted to see if Philip knew Him well enough yet, to know that Jesus knew and to turn to Him and say “I’m not sure Jesus. But YOU know, and that’s enough. Do you want to let me in on the secret? Tell me what to do.”
So many times, I am faced with a similar situation: 5000 surprise dinner guests and the cupboard is bare. Or, a trial with one of the children. Or, a difficult relationship. Or, spiritual dryness or wandering. And Jesus asks me the question, phrased ever so slightly differently: Ellen, where can we find strength for this pain? Ellen, where can we find finances for this adoption? Ellen, where can we find work in this troubled economy? Jesus asks me this to test my heart. Because my Jesus already has in His mind what He is going to do. He just wants to see if I will turn to Him or try to figure it out all by myself and then either give up in despair or disgust or if I am going to see how far I can stretch my paltry resources.
Sometimes, I answer like Andrew. Well, Lord, with regard to that issue, I have 53 cents but how much good will that do in light of soaring costs?
Sometimes I answer like Philip. Well Lord, might as well forget it. Eight months wages couldn’t be enough!
Usually, I answer like Ellen, which is a little bit of Philip and a little bit of Andrew. And then I remember that Jesus already has in His mind what He is going to do. The response He is looking for is: Lord, I don’t know how to handle this problem. But You know; You already have in mind what you are going to do. By your grace, let me part of Your solution.”
Beloved friend, what does your unexpected company look like? Is it literally feeding hungry people? Is it unexpected bills? Is it a broken relationship or some betrayal? Is it a pain in your heart that time has not seemed to mend? Is it some awful physical illness? Jesus already has in mind what He is going to do. Answer Him: Lord, You alone know the answer to this question. Tell me what is on your heart.
There is an added beauty which we find in the ending of the story: In verse 11 we read that Jesus distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. 12When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." 13So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.” Everyone who ate was satisfied. None went home hungry. And there was ample food left over. It was a feast day for the five thousand …and for Philip and Andrew as well. When we turn to Jesus and discover what He has in His mind to do, we find our satisfaction and our fullness. Amen.