The Path of Least Restistance

I had one of those verbal tugs of war with one of my children the other day. If you are a parent, you may know to what I refer :

You say: Please do the dish washer.
He/she says: It’s not my turn
You say: It doesn’t matter. Please do it.
He/she says: But it isn’t my tu-hurn. (Said a little more adamantly, as if turning up the volume will help you understand that it really isn’t his/her tu-hurn.)
You say with feigned patience: I don’t recall asking you if it was your turn. Please empty the dishwasher.
He/she says (please insert a whiney tone here): Why do I always have to do it?
You say (insert growing exasperation): You don’t always have to do the dishwasher. Please just empty the dishwasher. It will take fifteen minutes.
He/she says: No it won’t. It will take an hour. It always takes me an hour.
Of course, by now, you don’t care if he/she has emptied every dishwasher in the western hemisphere every day since birth, you will not budge from your request. Sorry I shouldn’t say “you.” Replace the “you” with “I.”
You say (no longer hiding your impatience): It will take as long as you want it to take dear. Now, please get moving.
At this point, if you have a really stubborn one, or a literalist, they might say something like…"I am moving” (flailing arms up and down).
You say (open frustration and rising anger): You know what I mean. Do the dishwasher and do it now.
He/she says (with surprise and exaggerated hurt): You don’t have to get mean and mad. I’m doing it. (starts to empty dishwasher on super slow speed and lots of clattering)

By now, perhaps thirty minutes have gone by and the dishwasher is still not done. Or, he/she slams dishwasher door closed and says “I’m done” but has left three or four plates and cups in the trays. I am quite sure, upon my inspection, that leaving the last few plates and cups was just passive aggressive behavior. Passive on the part of my child, and inciting aggression on my part.

Sigh. When this event took place in my house the other day, my child sniveled as he/she emptied the dishwasher “why does it always take so long?” I replied, admittedly, a little smugly, “disobedience always takes longer than obedience.”

It was at this moment that I heard it. “Did you hear what you just said?” Have you ever had that experience where you say something that you know is truth to your child and it comes resounding back at you, nearly slapping you in the face, as though the words came off of a great big bouncing wall? Of course I heard it…I said it, and, unfortunately, I live it. My (whiney) question is: if I know disobedience always takes longer, and I know that I am impatient and want to get about the business of the fun part, then why do I complain and disobey. I know better. So, why, I wonder, do I not do better?

Ah yes…disobedience always takes longer than obedience. The classic and most prominent example of this very basic and painfully necessary tenet of life is found in the story of the Israelites. Forty years! Forty years! Forty years of complaining, whining, arguing, disbelief and disobedience on what we know should have been an eleven day journey. If it wasn’t the water, it was the food. If it wasn’t the heat, it was the rain. If it wasn’t the place they were, it was the place they left behind or the place they were going. And, when they couldn’t think of anything new to complain about, they complained about the woman Moses married. There was always something.

I am of the opinion that the natural state of the flesh is to complain. That’s why we all squirm when we read the verse, “do everything without complaining.” (Phil. 2:14) You must be kidding, Lord! EVERYTHING? Everything. But, but but…no, there are no buts. See, we’ll always find something to complain about. If it isn’t the fact that we’ve done the dishwasher three days in a row, then the dishwasher wasn’t loaded properly, or the dishes are still too hot, or it is too late to start this chore or it is too early to do this chore or there is too much homework. And to bring it to my level, maybe the complaint is about not having the newest or best dishwasher. We complain, because if we complain, we can stave off the call to obey for a little longer. And obedience is what we are trying to delay, if not completely avoid, after all.

No one complains about doing things they enjoy. My kids never complain if I make them eat a freshly cooked meal…it’s the leftovers they complain about. They do not complain if I invite my girls to go clothes shopping without any financial limits. It is when we have to go to the Good Will store on half price Wednesday that the grousing begins. It isn’t when I get to be kind to my dearest friend that I complain; it is when I have to be kind and gracious to the someone I really do not care for that it brings out the whiner in me. It is not when I am living in plenty that I make snippy remarks to my husband, it is when I cannot figure out how to work a vacation into the budget. Obedience, not complaining, not grumbling, by its very nature is hard. That is why the linguists have given us separate words for “obedience” and “fun.”

And for all of the above reasons, God made complaining a sin. Because complaining is just a way to get around God’s perfect will for us to love our neighbors as ourselves, to obey God more than we want to bow down to our idols of comfort, convenience, fear and self. Unfortunately, complaining just takes us around the desert for forty years or so. Obedience really is the path of least resistance.

Well, I would love to go and tell more stories on my beloved children but, I think I have to go and empty a dishwasher…without whining and complaining.

Turning the Page

Happy New Year, friends. It is a new year, a new decade. The standard talk at this time is ring out the old, bring in the new, the new start, the fresh page, the looking ahead, forgetting the things of last year. But, what if the newest start you have is the new calendar page? What if the freshest page you have is the new calendar page? What if even the new page is scribbled with the messy markings of last year’s pain, disappointment, and struggle? Perhaps we are still dealing with the same set of sins, pains, difficulties and failures of last year. Sounds like a bit of a downer, doesn’t it? It isn’t actually. It could be a cause for consternation, but it isn’t.

This is the good news: We have the same God of last year, the year before that and the year before that. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) That is a wonderful confidence to hide in our hearts as we possibly face the same set of difficulties and circumstances of 2009, and yet turn the page into 2010. Beloved, God is the God of yesterday’s page and the God of today’s page and the God of tomorrow’s page. All of our pages are written by Him.

Several years ago, I stood in the church where my husband had recently been installed as an associate pastor. He was performing his first baptism as a part of this church and it was with a mixture of pride and humility that I watched from the second row. Standing directly in front of me was a man from the congregation videotaping the entire baptism. Next to him was someone with a digital camera, also commemorating the event, which was a mere shadow of the party the angels in heaven were simultaneously enjoying. At the moment the new convert came out of the water the church erupted into applause and praise, the Lord quietly whispered something into my ear: “Ellen, you take pictures of things that are happening so you can one day look back and remember them.” (I’m a scrapbooker, so God was totally speaking my language.) “But, I have a scrapbook filled with pictures of things that will be. There is nothing that happens today, yesterday or even tomorrow for which I need a camera to record the event. This day is just a picture on the page in my scrapbook, flipped open to today.”

The word of God says in psalm 139:16 “all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Beloved, every one of your days, present, past and future, yesterday, today and tomorrow already are a page in God’s scrapbook. That speaks to us of God’s sovereignty, His plan for us, His care and love for us. We are familiar with the verses from Jeremiah 29:11 which say that “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” These words were written to a people in captivity and in exile. God told them as oppression and exile started, “in seventy years, I am going to free you. I’m going to turn 70 x 365 days worth of pages and on that page will be written the day of freedom and return to Jerusalem.” Every one of the days of captivity, exile, and oppression were already written in His book. Beloved, every day of your days of unemployment, sickness, relational problems, estrangement from loved ones, uncertainty in economic trouble, name it, that paragraph on the page, that picture on the page is already in God’s scrapbook. He knows, He cares; we are in His hands. He already knows the day of freedom, the day of breakthrough, the day of reunion, the day the new job comes, the day of release from financial bondage. His plans for us are for good, for a hope, for a future, plans to prosper us, not to harm us. He knows. Our Saviour knows! He is in loving control.

So what then? As a famous Christian apologist of this century wrote, “how shall we then live?” Knowing that our lives are not random happenings, that our lives are not strung together by happenstance and entropic circumstances, that, in fact, we live in the care of a sovereign, able, wise, and loving God who is daily turning the pages of our scrapbooks into the new pages of each day, beloved, we rejoice, and proclaim: praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Go ahead; turn the page into tomorrow, knowing that every day ordained for you has already been written in His book, by His sovereign hand.

The Snake in My Hand

No, I have not become a snake handler. But I did think that the title might catch your attention. There are those people (in faraway places) who are snake handlers or snake charmers, some might call them. The picture that comes to my mind is the little man sitting cross legged in front of a basket playing a flute. As he plays, a snake, usually a cobra, slowly uncoils itself out of the basket swaying back and forth to the beautiful music, to the amazement of the crowd surrounding the man. Then, slowly, deliberately, the little man continues his song as the snake winds itself neatly back into the basket.

That’s a lot more impressive than a man picking up what he thinks is a stick only to find that it is a snake. That man will scream, throw it down and run away. That’s just downright scary. Welcome to Exodus 3.

What’s with the staff and snake thing in Exodus?

Not long ago, actually it was about four years ago, Phil and I noticed that the face boards over the garage were peeling. Typically, we ignored it. We wanted it to get really ugly before we did anything. So, we mentioned it to each other and promptly did nothing. This spring, as I moseyed up the driveway, I again noticed the peeling paint and knew that we needed to do something. Ignoring it was not making it go away. So, I took the step of going to the local paint store, buying a paint color with a ridiculous name much too big and grand for its purposes. Of course, as soon as I took got home, I didn’t like it. So the paint sat and the face boards and trim on the house continued to peel and look bad. For two weeks I was paralyzed with the fear of putting paint on our house and not liking it. What if everyone in the neighborhood also hated the color? What if our daughter who is very color conscious and design savvy also hated the color? Would she be too embarrassed to invite her friends home? What if my husband’s boss came over and fired Phil over the color of our trim paint? You can see why the color selection kept me awake at night. One day as I was walking, I noticed the successful color selection prowess of everyone else in the development. I was amazed at how well everyone else could select the exactly perfect colors to enhance the beauty and value of their home. So, I prayed for a color selection anointing. You may be shocked to know that I did not receive it. Instead, I heard the following verse in my head “What is that in your hand?” I was a little stunned taken aback by the question, since I knew that God knew what was in my hand regarding the desire for the color selection anointing. “Uh, I have a paintbrush and a gallon of customized paint called ‘butternut’ which I cannot return and cost me $34.00.” Harrumph. “Just use it. You will never find the perfect paint color unless the paint name is “perfect color for face boards over the garage and trim.” Just use it.” So I did. I used the paint in our garage and guess what? I really like the paint color and though I have visited the same unmentioned paint store probably 25 times since then, I haven’t felt the strong urge to repaint the house. And no, my husband wasn’t fired over the color of our house, our daughter has even invited friends over to our house, no one in the neighborhood has moved because of the color selection, even with the butternut colored trim.

What’s the lesson I learned? Use what is in your hand.

Moses was on the cusp (although he did not know the extent of it) of the biggest assignment of his life. He had an idea that it was big and he had an idea that it was bigger than him, otherwise he would not have argued so much with the Lord. He gets the invitation to approach the living God through the burning bush. Then he hears the voice of God Himself say “I love my people, I have heard their cry, I remember my promises to them and I’m here to answer their cry. So now you go.” Moses was tracking with God all the way up to “now you go.” But the more God talked about the people, the king of Egypt, the bondage, the king of Egypt, four hundred years of slavery, the king of Egypt, the weight of the covenant, the king of Egypt, the more Moses began to realize that he was getting enmeshed with the very plans and purposes of the God of the universe and it was scary. “They won’t believe me or even listen to me.”

God’s answer to Moses is very interesting. “It’s not about your credibility Moses, nor is it about your persuasive skills. It’s about what I am doing through you.” So, He asks Moses, knowing all along what the answer is: “what is that in your hand?” To his credit, Moses does not pull the eleven year old boy trick and answer “nothing.” “A staff,” he replied.” (Exodus 4:2) Of course it is a staff! Moses is a shepherd. He was out doing his shepherding thing. He was out minding his own business, doing what he had chosen to do in Midian, and the thing he was doing well, when he suddenly saw the burning bush. The thing in his hand was the tool of his trade.

Then comes the part we learned about in Sunday school: the staff is turned into a snake. So the tool of Moses’ trade becomes a thing that sheep would fear. It was scary enough that it turned into something from which Moses himself ran. And, probably everyone else would run away from as well. Sometimes the thing in our hand is frightening. At God’s command, the ordinary tool of our trade can become something fearsome to those around us and to us as well.

Then it becomes a staff again. Moses is instructed to grab it by the tail and it is turned back into a harmless, but effective, and useful tool of his trade again. Hmmm…did I know that when I follow the instruction of the Lord, that the tool in my hand becomes something fearsome but controlled?

I am a writer and a talker. I have a friend who in answer to the question “what’s your gifting” will sometimes answer “I talk.” Then she laughs her wonderful laugh and will go on to elaborate her answer. The truth is, that IS her gifting. And I know it is also mine. I talk, and I teach. The maxim is “the pen is mightier than the sword.” The tools of my trade are my tongue and now, the keyboard. I speak and I write. But oh, how often, those very same tools become our worst liabilities. I say the thing I cannot pull back. I write the thing and hit send before I have cooled off. I speak the words that are forever now in cyberspace. And sad as it is, then I learn the truth of the maxim previously quoted…the pen, the keyboard, the tongue is mightier than the sword, at times causing greater pain than the point of the rapier. The staff in my hand (or in my mouth) becomes a snake. And then like Moses, I want to run away from the very thing with which God has equipped me.

Yet, the truth cannot be ignored: that which is in your hand is often the very thing that God wants you to use to tackle what could be the toughest assignment of your life

So, the question I have for you today is, “what is that in your hand?” Maybe it is a color you don’t like; maybe it is something you are second guessing; maybe it is something that you don’t think is very cool, or sexy, or necessary, or important, maybe it is something way too familiar. But what is in your hand?

My second question is, “are you using it?” Rather, are you letting God use what’s in your hand? Or is that “snake in your hand” sitting, slithering, in the basket?

My admonition is as follows: don’t wait for the “select the perfect color anointing.” Hear the Lord, obey the word of the Lord, watch for Him to perform His word.

Leaning on the Character of God

I recently had to tell my parents a difficult thing…my husband was resigning from his job. That wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was that he did not have a job to which he was going. We are on the road of faith and the end is good, but getting there takes…well, faith. That isn’t the point. The point is this, my parents were not too crazy about Phil’s transition from Xerox to full time ministry. I had no idea what their reaction to a move from full time ministry to home missions was going to be.

We chatted for a long time as I went in circles about our dreams, the vision to which we believe God is calling us, together as a team, as a couple. At one point, obviously a little flustered by my inability to explain in a concise fashion the job description for his next assignment, she calmly said, “Ellen, I trust Phil and I know this will be alright. He is a good man and a resourceful man. He will find a way through it.”

As a wife, I beamed with pride. First of all, my mother’s words were a tremendous accolade and vote of confidence in my beloved. Second of all, it was a much better response to our news than I had expected. And finally, even though she could not see her way through the circumstances, she trusted in my husband’s character to bring us through. And, that, is the point.

As we have moved through this adventure to the point we are now, Phil has often commented that he feels a little like Abraham getting instructions from God: “Leave your country, your people, and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.” (Genesis 12:1) Wouldn’t it have been nice if God had said, “oh, by the way, I went by AAA, the Angelic Automobile Association, and picked up this triptik for you, here are some maps, it’s cool because they show you all the detours too. And, every hundred miles or so, you’ll see that there are road side restaurants. Finally, I know you might be a little worried about provision along the way, don’t. I’ve got you covered. Here are some gift certificates for some clothes, sandals, tents along the way. You’ll find everything you need at the Fertile Crescent Mall” which, of course, is clearly marked on the map. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that way. Or rather, fortunately, it wasn’t that way; otherwise, Abraham would not be our father in the faith. He would be known as our father in confidence in things seen…or something like that.

Now, imagine the conversation Abraham had with Sarah’s father as he told him that his god had told him he needed to leave Haran. It’s just another hot dry day in the desert outlying the fertile crescent. Abraham and Sarah’s father are sharing a little cup of goat’s milk, sitting on a little carpet.

“So, uhm, Abraham, Sarah tells me that you are leaving Haran.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Any special reason why.”
“No sir.”
“Then why are you leaving?”
“Uh, God told me to.”
“This new god?”
“Actually sir, he is the only true god. He told me so.”
“So he told you to go. And I suppose he told you he is stronger than the moon god and the god of fertility.”
“Well, sir (he laughs nervously)…it’s not as if the fertility god is doing much for us either.”
“Alright, where exactly are you going?”
“Good question. In fact, that is a great question…to which I don’t have a good or great answer. I am not sure.”
“Well, how will you know when you get to wherever this secret place you are going to is?”
“Yet again, another great question. I don’t know.” He looks sheepishly down at his sandals.
“Abraham, I have entrusted you with my daughter. Do you expect me to just let you take her to some unknown place to worship some unknown God?”
“Sir, I don’t know the way that my God takes me, but I know He is good, and He is loving, and He is the almighty God, able to do all things and able to do anything. The way that He takes me is good if I follow Him, He will not lead me astray. I trust in His character. So I know the way He leads me will be good.”

And that is the point.

We’re all on a faith journey. And there is not one of us who knows exactly where the faith journey leads. If we knew, we would have no reason for faith or for hope. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the confidence of things not seen.. (Hebrews 11:1) And we have that hope and that confidence because of the God who loves us and who leads us.

So, we’re all the children of Abraham, in many ways. We may not be sure where we will end up, but we know who leads us and that He is good. As Christians, we trust in the character of God, we lean on the character of God, we depend on the character of God. That’s why when Moses asked well, if they ask who sent me, what am I supposed to say? God answered firmly, perhaps even laughing as He answered, “tell them, I AM sent you.” So when the way is dark, uncertain, confusing, painful…trust His character. I AM sent you.

Lessons on the Ladder

Our last house was all cedar shingles. So when we moved to a newer house with vinyl siding I was delighted. Of course, there is still the trim. Right now we are in the throes of painting the trim, which takes quite a bit of time, lots of paint, scraping, and , of course, the big mega, serious extension ladder. I intensely dislike standing on a sloping roof, and though I am not a great fan of heights, I can paint on an extension ladder. I can, but I am not very comfortable doing it.

Don’t look down, don’t look down…

So there I am painting the very highest peak on the house, maybe only 25 feet up. I take each rung one at a time, one foot on, the next foot on. I can not bound up the ladder as I do the stairs. The ladder shakes. As I am up there painting, twenty five feet closer to 94 degrees, I am pressed into the ladder so hard that the imprint of each rung is on my legs. I find it very difficult to let go of the ladder … I have to hold on to at least one side, which makes painting very cumbersome and time consuming. I just cannot stretch as far when I am gripping one side of the ladder.

About the third day of doing this, this clinging and hanging on for dear life, it occurs to me that clinging to the ladder probably does not make me any safer. The safety issue is pretty much determined as I, or my husband, as is usually the case, set up the ladder on level ground, test it, bang it against the house a few times, and find that the ladder is stable. The steadiness and sureness of the ladder is not in my clinging to it. The steadiness and sureness is in the set up and in the ladder itself. The fact is, I can be clinging hard to the one side of the ladder all the way down to the ground if the ladder isn’t steady and on level ground.

For sure, I FEEL better when I am clinging hard to that one side. I somehow FEEL that I am safer, or that I am more secure if I am hanging on.

Perhaps you have seen a child clinging to a parent during a thunder storm. Head burrowed into the parent’s shoulder. Arms wrapped so tightly around the neck it becomes hard to breathe. Eyes screwed shut. Until the storm is past. The fact is, the parent is holding onto the child. It is the parent holding the child, but the child is hanging on, clinging to the parent…for dear life. It does little good to say “there , there, you don’t need to choke me.” The child needs to do so, until the storm is past. I suspect, my children too felt better, safer, more secure in hanging on so tightly, in clinging to us during the storm. No amount of reason, rationale or logic could persuade them to let go. They needed to not only know the storm would pass, they needed to FEEL safe, secure, until the storm was past.

Sometimes, I just need to feel safe in the Lord. I know I am. I preach to others, and to myself, we are safe in the Lord. But, oh sometimes, I so need to FEEL that safety. And God is patient. Even though I am hugging Him so hard His divine face might turn blue, He won’t let me go, or try to give me logic and reason in place of the safety and security. He lets me cling so hard to Him that I wear the very imprint of His face on mine, I feel His arms around me tightly holding me, and I cling to His neck, because while I dislike walking up a high ladder, I can do it, all the way up, whistling all the way.

One other thing, by the fifth day, I could actually climb up to that peak, look down and think “wow, I’m pretty high” and then I could let go and hold two brushes, or the paint can if necessary. It was amazing to me. Not that I was confident in myself, I found my confidence in the ladder and the level ground on which it rested. I knew, even if I let go of the ladder, it was still bearing me.

Beloved, if you’re on a faith ladder right now, know that the ladder is secure, strong and will not fail you. The ladder, if resting on Jesus, is on a sure and steady foundation. Second, if you feel better clinging to the ladder, if you feel safer holding on tightly, rest assured He doesn’t mind…and besides, the tighter you cling to Him, the more you will bear the imprint of His face on yours.

Not bad for a summer lesson.

I'm Waiting

It has been too long and my apologies to anyone out there who actually looks for this blog on a regular basis. I have been in a waiting line. I don’t mean the kind at the WalMart. There, at least there are twenty clerks who might be able to serve me; in addition, there are the self scans now which means I get to do it all myself: select the merchandise, scan it myself, bag it myself, and pay for it. And no, I am not even in a store where there may be only one clerk, but at least there is a ticket machine which allows me to know exactly how many people are in front of me. Then I pray that the five people in front of me will give up and leave, which will, of course, put me way ahead in the line. No, I am in a waiting room, with only one Person who can help me, only one line and no ticket machine. I hate waiting.

However, since I am waiting anyway, lately I have been thinking a lot about the Israelites and how long they waited.

23 During that long period, the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned in their slavery and cried out, and their cry for help because of their slavery went up to God. 24 God heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob. 25 So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them.

That long period…how long? 430 years. Now that’s a long wait. And for the poor Israelites, during that time period, they went from the days of Joseph,: prosperity, land, prominence and favor to slavery.

Frankly, my own waiting period feels like it could be 430 years. When I look behind I see a lot of pain and trial. I see little ahead. And then I feel like the Israelites: slaves, forced labor, ruthless oppression, lives bitter with hard labor. It wasn’t pretty, nor was it easy. So they did what they could: they worked hard, made bricks, suffered oppression, cried out to God and groaned.

But, there is good news: right there in the Bible, right there in the middle of slavery, in the middle of oppression. Their cry for help because of their slavery went up to God. And do you know how my God answered them?

God heard their groaning
He remembered His covenant with Abraham
So God looked
God was concerned.

He heard, He remembered, He looked, He was concerned.

That the King of all glory, the King of the universe would hear, remember and look. Not only that, but He was concerned.

I find great comfort in that. Pretty simple really. While we are waiting and crying out, God hears, remembers, looks and is concerned. Now here comes the really interesting part. In His concern, He sets into motion the plan He has had all along.

7 The LORD said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. 8 So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. 9 And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. 10 So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."

Isn’t that bizarre? Look at the italicized text above: I have indeed seen, I have heard them crying, I am concerned, I have come down to rescue them, So now go, I am sending you… I am sending Moses. Uh, is there anyone else?

He picks a Moses. We all know, or probably many of us know that God could not have chosen a less likely hero. Why would God choose a shepherd to lead three million people? Why would God choose a man who stuttered to speak to a king? Why would God choose a murderer to speak encouragement and life to slaves? Why would God choose an insecure man to be the emissary for the King of the universe? Who knows? For His glory. So He gets all the glory.

I’m good with everything right up to that last part. Moses. Moses! This is my point…who is God sending to help you? Are you crying out? Are you waiting? Are you in bondage? What if it’s you that God is sending to help? What if it’s a Moses that God is sending to help? Do not despise the plan of God.

By the way, allow me to point out one last thing about Moses: unlikely hero that he was. It says in Exodus 3:6 that when God introduced Himself “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.” Wow. Talk about an unlikely leader. An unlikely savior. An unlikely deliverer. An unlikely hero. But oh, friend, after trials, hardship, disappointment and wandering in the desert, this is the truth about Moses: “The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend.” He answered the call and was willing to be the man God called him to be and became a man he never expected to be; he became one with whom God would speak as a man speaks with a friend, face to face.

My friend, your place of waiting is holy ground. Take off your shoes and listen for the voice of the Lord. And while you are waiting, turn on your ipod and listen to this song from Fireproof.

I’m waiting I’m waiting on You, Lord. And I am hopeful I’m waiting on You, Lord Though it is painful But patiently, I will wait I will move ahead, bold and confident Taking every step in obedience While I’m waiting I will serve You While I’m waiting I will worship While I’m waiting I will not faint I’ll be running the race Even while I wait. I’m waiting I’m waiting on You, Lord. And I am peaceful I’m waiting on You, Lord Though it’s not easy But faithfully, I will wait Yes, I will wait I will serve You while I’m waiting I will worship while I’m waiting I will serve You while I’m waiting I will worship while I’m waiting I will serve You while I’m waiting I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord.

Amen. I’m waiting and my God hears my cry, He hears your cry, He sees, He remembers, He is concerned, He will come to rescue and if we will accept it, He may even send us a Moses.

Eating from the Tree of Knowledge

We all know people in pain. In fact, every time I turn around, I meet someone in pain, some in physical pain. Some people are in such pain they cannot bear it without the aid of drugs to deaden the pain, if not the source of pain. Some people are in great mental pain; they worry, fret, and are anxious much of the time. Some people suffer from deep emotional pain, caused by a past or present situation, a betrayal, a broken relationship. And perhaps most difficult of all for me to witness, those in deep spiritual pain-those who feel they have been betrayed by God Himself. It is painful to be the one in pain and painful to watch someone you love enduring any of the above. And my purpose today is certainly not to address the pain or the cure. I leave that to the theologians and to the apologists. My purpose today is to simply pose a different way of thinking about pain.

When I was at the retreat of which I wrote last week, in one of our small discussion groups, someone was talking about her particular pain she was currently working through. And almost to a woman, the response was "oh that's so awful. It would be so much easier if you at least knew why." Or something to that effect. We all often think things like that. Cancer...why? Untimely death...why? War...why? Job loss...why? Miscarriage...why? Divorce...why? AIDS...why? A wayward child...why? For me, the particular pain was infertility.


I was 34 when I got married and my husband and I conceived right away, having our first daughter nine months and four days after our marriage. So, we were a little surprised and a little frustrated when we did not conceive again though we tried. We did eventually go back to the doctor and eventually a fertility specialist. No, they never did figure out what was "wrong." They never did figure out whether it was him, me, both of us...whatever. But lots of people asked. (Isn't that bizarre?) Whenever we face pain, our first task is to set about discovering who or what caused the pain. Then we take the requisite aspirin, or get the MRI, or go to a counsellor or whatever will fix the problem. I saw this all the time as a personal injury lawyer. Clients were forever trying to blame someone for an accident, or for some situation that stunk, or for whatever ailed them. It was really unpopular to tell them that sometimes life just stinks and things happen that no one would wish upon their worst enemy and it is really pointless to try to find someone to blame. This position made me neither popular nor rich.

During the trial of infertility, I often got mad at God. And I often asked why. Truth be told, I thought some ugly things during those dark days...why not someone else. Why us? There were times when I was so mad...it didn't even matter at whom my anger was directed...sometimes myself, sometimes my husband, sometimes anyone who asked about it. I frequently wrote about my frustration and asked vis a vis my journal: "why? It would be so much easier if we knew why we had to go through this." So you can imagine my surprise when in the midst of one of my temper tantrums, out of the darkness, I heard a still, small, gentle, patient voice asking me "would it really be better if you knew why? What makes you think it would be easier to go through this trial if you knew why?" And then the Lord took me to a garden wherein stood two trees, the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Genesis 1: 8 Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. 9 And the LORD God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

This sounds pretty simple. Here is a wonderful garden, Adam and Eve. You are free to eat from any tree in the garden, including the Tree of Life. But DO NOT EAT FROM THE TREE OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL. ON THE DAY YOU EAT OF IT, YOU WILL DIE.

One rule. And, of course, what is the one thing they cannot resist doing? We know the rest of the story.

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"
2 The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "

4 "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. 5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

So she ate of it, gave some to Adam, and then they had an encounter with God. And there were consequences.

16 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. 18. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."

Beloved, our mother ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and it brought guilt, shame and death. Why? Because she believed a serpentine lie that [her] eyes [would] be opened, and [she would] be like God, knowing good and evil." She ate from that forbidden Tree because she "saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom." She, too, wanted a wisdom that was not hers to receive. Eve wanted a knowledge which was not hers to acquire.

Eve could have eaten from the Tree of Life, but she chose not to. She could have eaten from any other tree, but she chose to eat from a forbidden tree, a Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and it brought her not the life and wisdom, the knowledge and perspective she desired; it brought her death.

Beloved, after that visit to the Garden, I stopped asking the why about our infertility. In fact, through the subsequent trials and testings of life, I have tried hard to not park too long at that place of "why." Instead, through tears, through pain, yes, through bewilderment even, I have chosen to go back to the Tree of Life, find my refuge there and reaching up, I eat of its fruit.

I suppose that some would see this as a rather simplistic way of dealing with pain. Perhaps. But it is far better than banging my head against a wall of brass. Fair enough, sometimes we may need to ask the why. Regardless we almost always need to ask the "what do I need to learn" question. And above all, we need to eat the fruit of the Tree of Life, which without fail, brings us...well, life.

Life is so full of pain and trials. I do not say this glibly. Even now, I travail through a measure of confusion and some pain. I find that my desire now is not so much to know why. My desire now is to reach up to the Tree of Life, which oddly enough looks much like a cross, find shelter there, and eat my fill of the good fruit.

Psalm 34: 8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

If you are one currently traversing through a journey of pain, my heart goes out to you. If you are one who cries through the darkness, asking why, I extend His love to you. May you find your refuge in Him. May you find your peace in the shadow of the Tree of Life. May you lean into Him and eat of the fruit on that tree. May you find your fill in the abundance of His household. Amen